the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She said her name was "party"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
