Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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