I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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