This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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