Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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