it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
