I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
