my sisters under your porch take her home
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
