ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
