the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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