everyone is single if you try hard enough
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize