you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
