I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
