Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
