Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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