i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
