drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
