return my video game
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
