I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
