Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
