i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
