i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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