I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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