I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
