...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
