he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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