I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize