my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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