Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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