Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He passed out mid-signature
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize