If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize