There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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