I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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