I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
