i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
