So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
