dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize