So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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