Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
