I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
