then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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