Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
