evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
