We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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