can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
