Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
