I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize