shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
