just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
