I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
