oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
