This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
