I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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