I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
