you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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