i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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