sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
