he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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