I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize