you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Randomize
