every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
