what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize