I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
