I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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