i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
