cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
