"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
