why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
