It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
