My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
