..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
