he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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