I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize