dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
