I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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