I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
