Rock
Scissors
Fuck
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
