I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
