he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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