just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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