do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
