wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Two words: nipple clamps
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