I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize