It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
