It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
