Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
