I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
