In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
