were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
