those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize