dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
