i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
