hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
