can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
