You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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