you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize