ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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