It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
