; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize