my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
